Rare Praise: The Dark Knight

WARNING: If you’re one of the six people left in the world that hasn’t seen The Dark Knight yet, there may be spoilers below. If, like me, you’ve already seen it three times, then read on.

I hate hype. Rarely, if ever, does a big summer movie live up to the hype that inescapably accompanies it. The recent Indiana Jones and Star Wars poop-farms come to mind, although as far as I’m concerned, those franchises are still only trilogies. Let’s just pretend those other four “films” never happened, shall we? Oh, sorry; five “films”—someone keeps letting George Lucas make Star Wars movies, only now they’re fully computer-animated instead of being only 95% computer-animated. Don’t you have enough goddamned money yet, George? FUCK!

But I digress. I’m not here to chastise Hollywood for butt-fucking yet another good idea to death. I’m actually here to praise them for somehow managing to churn out what is arguably the best piece of summer entertainment I’ve ever seen. The Dark Knight’s hype was grandiose, yet the movie itself still managed to deliver more than any ad campaign could have ever promised. Try swallowing this: from the same studio that brought you Batman and Robin comes yet another comic book sequel…but with a dark and complex story, featuring stand-out performances by an all-star cast, one of whom posthumously gives us one of the best villains in movie history. Sounds like total bullshit, right? Nay, good readers. It be the gospel.

Now I’m not saying this film is flawless. Even after three viewings, I still can’t figure out why Batman doesn’t just send Gordon to save Dent and rescue his beloved damsel in distress himself (aside from the fact that blowing up your love interest is fucking NAILS, Brothers Nolan!) And I just can’t shake how forced Heath Ledger’s laugh seems to me throughout the film. (In the dead man’s defense, that shit ain’t easy to pull off, and it’s the only chink in an otherwise masterful performance.) AND, in a movie filled with Batmen and Jokers and Eric Roberts of all people, my disbelief only became unsuspended when not one of those ferryboat passengers was able to blow his condemned counterparts straight to hell. (But perhaps that’s more telling of my own lack of faith in mankind than any glaring misstep by the filmmakers.)

Which brings me to the point of this little column, dear readers: the fact that a Batman movie can make me question such things as my faith in mankind is nothing short of extraordinary. The mere notion that an escapist popcorn fantasy could elicit such thought and emotion from even one its viewers is simply astounding. If for no other reason than that, this movie has raised the bar for me. Not just for action movies or comic book movies, but for movies in general. The Dark Knight showed me that movies don’t have to be just 90 minutes worth of mindless, useless drivel aimed at temporarily satiating an increasingly apathetic, idiotic public. Movies can make you feel, they can make you THINK. Hell, they can inspire you to write blogs about how inspired you are to finally be inspired again by this medium that once so inspired you! In short, movies are still everything I hoped they could be.

So I add my voice to the hype for The Dark Knight. But now I’ve probably built it up too much. Maybe you should go see The Clone Wars instead. I hear George Lucas needs the money. Douchebag.

Crapping On My Childhood, Part II

I have really mixed feelings about this one. And it looks like it's going to happen:

Movie: Red Sonja
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Star: Rose McGowan

Now don't get me wrong. I like Robert Rodriguez. I don't even mind if he goes over the top a little. Just not Grindhouse over the top, or Sin City over the top. Ok, Sin City over the top might be cool for Red Sonja.

But Rose McGowan? She's attractive and all, but she's not Red Sonja. RS needs to be really tall, for starters. And tan. And ripped. And never have dated Marilyn Manson. She's too....pasty. I just don't see it.

Still, it's an improvement over the original casting idea. Are you ready for this? Lindsay Lohan. And yes, I am completely serious. The only reason they didn't go with her? She gets in too much trouble. That's it! Otherwise, she would have been perfect for the role.

This company could fuck up a soup sandwich.

Crapping On My Childhood, Part 1

I may or may not know of a company that is planning a Conan movie. They may or may not have interviewed an actor the other day for the lead. That actor may or may not have been from AMERICAN GLADIATORS.

He was.

Wildly Popular "Iron Man" Trailer To Be Adapted

I work in the film industry. I grew up watching movies and tv, and as such I've never had an original thought in my life. In celebration of that, I thought I'd make my first contribution to PB something directly ripped off from the Onion. I didn't say I didn't have good taste.


Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film